Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
