I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
