dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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