its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
