you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
