I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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