What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
