Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
