I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
