operation have a gay friend backfired
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
