i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
