But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
