Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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