Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
