Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
