Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I party with great urgency now.
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