I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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