I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The Olympian is in my bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
