what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
