she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
