hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
