We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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