Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
