even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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