no, he came in my armpit
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
