Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
