i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize