Just took my morning after pill in the library
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
