He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
