There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
