omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
