a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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