Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
