fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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