i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
