She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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