I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
