please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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