what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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