dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
