I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
