weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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