I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
