He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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