If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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