I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
