forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
