I puked a lego.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
