How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
