I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
