I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we're so committed to being not committed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
