I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize