there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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