So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
