Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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