peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
