She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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