mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
false alarm. still invincible.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
