Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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