you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
