Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
