And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
