I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
