You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have aggressive nipples.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
