If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
