The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
