Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
