She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we made out on top of his cat.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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