the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
