fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im part way to drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
