when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
