Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
