Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
