The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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