end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
