I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize