How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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