so that wasnt chicken after all
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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