god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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