dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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