Do you still have your period?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
