my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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