guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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