i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did i walk over a car last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
