Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You've changed since you got that strap on
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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