ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
