i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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