Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Duck Duck Cougar?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
