I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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