I seem to have left my pride at pride
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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